Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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