Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
