I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
