Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize