____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
