ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
