yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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