Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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