Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
