So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ugly people sure do ruin things
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
