My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
