i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
