I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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