Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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