His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
