My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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