Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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