The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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