clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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