Whod you bang
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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