I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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