I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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