Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
