Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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