this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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