Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
