sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
