Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
