i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize