so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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