The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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