he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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