When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
