R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
