Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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