Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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