it wasn't lemon gatorade
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
