sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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