Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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