did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
