Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
