we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
...so i touched it.
no, he came in my armpit
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i've created a new STD.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
