Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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