Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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