I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
