Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What a dumb baby whore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You need Xanax blowdarts
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
