Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
