I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
