woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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