This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
