His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
