Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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