I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
