im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone came in the potted fern
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
