I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
