i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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