You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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