He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
