that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
