so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
