I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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