i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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