When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
