I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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