You're completely useless in the revolution.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
