so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
