you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
