is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
