im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Randomize
