And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
